Lundi, 28 avril 2008 @ 18:19
(Written after reading a report in a local newspaper of a man who was arrested when he called for an ambulance after falling from a tree while trying to spy through his neighbour’s window. Ambulance staff found the man lying in the middle of the road and said they may well have run over him had his fluorescent jacket not alerted them of his presence!)Stalkers, Peeping Toms, And Nite-Club Sex Grannies, Read On!
I hear you like to wander the streets late at night
Just looking for a chink of light
Through a curtain at a window in a room
While you wank in a tree with your camera on zoom
I understand its getting harder nowadays
To dream up new and exciting ways
In which to satisfy your strange perversion
Maybe its time for a new hobby and diversion
Perhaps try 'Yahoo! Chess' or invest in a model train
Anything to keep you from picking up those binoculars again
But if you want to stick at it and need a few tips
On how to get better quality short video clips
First of all lose that fluorescent jacket
And get a camera that makes less racket
When the shutter clicks and winds the film on
Hoping you caught the image before it had gone
Why not update and invest in the digital format
To save the fear of the wife picking your processed film from off the doormat
Also try night vision and don’t use your flash
Or maybe give daytime stalking a bash?
If you insist on climbing up trees
Invest in some protection for your splintered knees
Better still, find a stalkee on line
It will save you loads of hassle and time
And that way you won’t get those splinters
And it will offer sanctuary from the cold harsh winters
OK, the challenge isn’t there in quite the same way
And there has to be a certain willingness about your prey
But window covering materials are far more effective these days
At least that’s what the sales assistant at my local haberdashery says
But the point I really want to make
For the girl with the loosely guarded window's sake
Is that maybe its time to pack it all in
And put all your stalking paraphernalia in the bin
Get a grip of reality back on your life
And think of your dear poor old wife
Who spends her days looking at photo-fits of you
And wonders what it is that you do
To get yourself in the local paper each day
Looking slightly more odd in a disturbing way
Even a nite-club sex granny has more dignity than you
In her tight fitting dress that gives too much of a view
With her badly applied lipstick intending to give the impression of a fuller lip
And to divert attention away from her recently replaced hip
And with that image scorched on your mind
Please know I’m not being cruel, I’m trying to be kind
When I urge you to heed my words
And stop spying on the ‘fillies’, ‘floozies’ and ‘birds’
So please return to a normal way of life and you’ll do well
Unless you’re already reading this from inside your prison cell!